blenders are for families too

Don't be fooled by the title of this post.  I'm not some morbid psycho.  Give me a chance to explain myself.  Sometimes in life, well, life happens and families separate.  And then sometimes mom gets remarried, or dad gets remarried, or they both do.  Sometimes the new spouse comes with a bit of baggage we call kids, and would you look at that, we have a blended family.  A yours, mine, and ours kind of situation.  Statistics show that it takes about 2 years for anything thing in a blended family to feel normal.  And even then, the step-parent will more often than not just seem like an aunt/uncle figure to the step-child.  The birth parent will be the one dishing out any heavy discipline.  Consequently the children could get smart and use this to their advantage.  A sort of abuse of power to get just what they want.  What do you think?  I've seen it happen in the movies, is real life the same?

parenting: don't make it too hard

Through being a parent, patience is developed and not only are our kids taught but so are we.  There are so many different approaches to parenting that many of them end up not being as effective as we would like them to be.  There is one method however that does bring in the desired results.  I'm sure you're dying to know what it is.  Drum roll please... It's called active parenting!  It's purpose is to protect and prepare children to be able to survive and thrive in the real world.  You may not believe that there is such a thing, but there is!  You give children/teens choices to create responsibility.  These choices also come with consequences, both negative and positive depending on how the child/adolescent holds up their end of the bargain.  Through this parenting method, children will develop cooperation, respect, responsibility, and courage.  Still don't believe me?  Look it up yourself and give it a try.

we don't communicate with our mouths

Did you know that verbal communication only makes up 14% of the message we interpret when talking with someone?  35% of the message is the tone taken while saying those words.  What could the last 51% be referring to?  NON-VERBAL communication.  Non-verbals are things like body language, thoughts and feelings, and the media.  This is why texting is one of my least favorite things to do.  When the recipient is reading that message, they're only getting 14% of the intended thought.  All this encoding and decoding take place to understand the real meaning of the messages we are trying to send.  I don't know about you but sometimes this can be really exhausted!  I just want to get my thoughts across without everyone reading into them to try to find that hidden meaning.  Is there a solution to this?  You're thoughts are as good as mine!  I hope that there can be a way to stop this.  I think the best way is so share out real meaning and intents.  No beating around the bush, we should just be straight-forward, in a respectful way.

it's all in your head

Life is crazy.  Things happen all the time that we weren't ready for, or never thought would happen to us.  So the question is, how are we going to react to them?  We can turn situations into stressful ones that affect us the rest of our lives, or we can learn to have positive and helpful thoughts that could potentially turn "defining moments" in our life to "passing waves."  If we have negative thoughts about a situation or even a person, we need to take a step back and look at the reality of the situation.  After we do that, (grasp reality) then we will be able to take on the world with more self confidence than ever before. Let's all try it!  Because I know this is something that none of us are perfect at.

marital intimacy...

So I have to admit, I am a couple weeks behind in the wonderful world of blogging.  But this particular post is going to be about, you guessed it!  Sexuality and intimacy.  Fun facts... Did you know that women like to feel safe before they're going to want to have any kind of sexual intimacy from their partner?  Did you know that men like to be sexually intimate and only then can they gain that safety and security?  Interesting isn't it?  How then, you might ask, does it all work out?  Well I've learned that in order for the intimate experience to be the best for both husband and wife, it's all about making the experience a selfless one.  If you and your partner are truly attentive to each other's needs and experiences, then it will be much more fulfilling.  Last but not least, don't feel like you have to rush into anything.  Take it at your own pace on your own time.

marriage... let's talk about it

Many people are under the impression that marriage it happy, easy, and virtually problem free.  I'm here to tell you that those people are very wrong.  I'm not saying that marriage sucks and that it's not worth it.  I think it's amazing and wonderful, but it's also a lot of hard work.  I probably won't be able to fully comprehend that until I'm married myself.  But, I know it's true.  There are some common problems the first month of marriage that can be avoided with one simple solution: talking about it!  More often than not couples forget to talk about important things before they tie the knot.  These things include: meals, transportation, money, daily routines, and talking to family back home to name a few.  If you and your fiance talk about your future life together and what you expect, then there won't be as many surprises, arguments, and unsolved (normally simple) dilemmas. Moral of the story, talk it out when you're engaged even if it seems simple.  It's worth it!

what kind of love do you feel?

This last week I learned about many different kinds of love.  I want to focus on three right now: passionate, compassionate, and companionate.  Passionate love is all about emotion.  It's physical, sexual, and romantic. This is the kind of love we see often times depicted in movies, music videos, and television.  Compassionate love is similar to passionate love but there's an added level of caring more deeply for that person.  And companionate love is more like a partnership and a friendship, it's more likely to be the longest lasting.  So what kind of love do you want to have and experience?  I think that there should be a balance between them.  I think that while companionate is going to last the longest, it's important to have that passion involved in marriage.  Passion is something that can help you connect to your spouse on a deeper level, it will keep you in love and your friendship will strengthen as well.  I'm not married yet and therefore cannot evaluate my own relationship with my husband.  But I hope it's one that contains passion and charity.  Think about your relationships... What kind of love are you experiencing?

is gender inherent? or can it be manufactured?

Some people believe that you can parent children a certain way and they will turn out differently than they would naturally.  Like, if you raise your son more like your daughters then he will be less aggressive and more mild mannered.  I however, do not believe this is valid. I think that little boys were built to be little rascals and there's nothing wrong with that!  They have almost instinctive ways about them that make them the way that they are.  Sure some boys are more timid than others, but that's ok too!  Likewise, little girls are naturally going to be more nurturing and caring because that's how God created them to be!  I think it's silly that some people or rather parents think that they should try to change God's perfect mold for his children.  Each of us have our own personalities, and different quirks about us, but we are all children of our Heavenly Father.  We were created the way we were for a reason.  We all have a divine purpose!  Let's rise to it and make every day count!

what's class got to do with it?

Have you ever thought about social class and how it may affect your family?  Well, you should, because it does!  I've learned that upper class families tend have more structured rules, less children, and may not be as close as a family.  Lower class families tend to have more children, and those children are more often than not unruly.  What determines social class?  Well, it's based on money of course, prestige or reputation, and education.  However, research shows that if you work together as a family like doing projects around the yard or house, you becomes closer and more tight knit verses if you were to go on a family vacation.  That's an interesting though isn't it?  But I think likewise, if a family is more lower-middle class and they work together to climb the ladder to upper-middle class I think this will cause the family to become closer as well.  In my own family, I would have to agree that when I do projects and things with them we have so much fun and are really able to connect with one another.  Family vacations are great don't get me wrong, but there's something about working together to reach a common goal that really bonds us together.  What do you think?  What connects you the best to your family?  And does class standing have anything to do with it?

thank goodness for boundaries...

There are different types of relationships within the family unit and different kinds of boundaries.  One kind is a clear boundary, where things between mom and dad stay between them and the kids aren't apart of the decision-making process.  Then there's rigid boundaries where the parents can't talk about anything, they make decisions on their own and kids are definitely aware of the tension.  And finally there's diffuse boundaries, which aren't really boundaries at all.  This is when parents fight with each other about things and vent to the kids, or any other party about each other.  Think about your family.  Are there more than one kind of boundary going on?  Most cases, the answer to this question will be yes.  When I think of my family, there are definite clear boundaries with my parents, but when it comes to grandparents and some siblings, diffused boundaries come into play and our family can get a whole lot closer, and not necessarily in a good way.  This is where a whole lot of family drama can come into play.  Everyone loves some good wholesome drama, right?  (not me, but some people really thrive off that! weird...)  Next time family contentions arise, think about the boundaries that are in place in your family, they'll probably be to blame!

trends these days...

There's a handful of trends that have been happening in regards to families the last few years and they're getting more and more common.  Which could be problematic, it's up to you to decide.  Here's just a few, I think they might be interlinked as many trends can be... Premarital sex, unwed births, mothers working, and postponing marriage.  All of these trends are getting more and more common, and I can't help but think that it looks like a chain reaction.  For example, fooling around with guys and getting pregnant will lead to having a baby without being married, which will lead to a single mother working to support her baby, which will lead to wanting to postpone marriage and focus on the little one at home.  Then, the little one will grow up feeling neglected because mommy's always working and they will rebel, get a reckless boyfriend with a car and the whole cycle will repeat.  Ok, ok, I know this doesn't happen with every case, I'm being a little extreme, but it's not unreasonable!  What do YOU think about these trends?  Are they something we should worry about?  Or should we sweep them under the rug with yesterday's crumbs?
~Brooke

Testing, testing, 1-2-3